star child

Ever felt like a spiritual hypocrite? Sigh...I have amassed over the years so many things I'm supposed to have learned, and in truth, the theory remains as clear as ever. Walking my talk - that's another thing entirely, especially these days. I could quote parables and spout rhetoric all night about the sowing and reaping from the things we do and say, I can talk about words as seeds and deeds and consequences and so forth and so on. Walking my talk - that's the bit that is getting to me today.

I think of all the lessons I have learned, yet the hardest one to master is 'anger'. Today so much dogma walked over karma and if there is a wrong way of saying it, whatever it was, I have done it. I should wash my throat chakra out with soap!! My attempt at humour is merely to try and avoid the ache I feel that whatever has befallen me, has led me sometimes to stray from the things I know better. Some will say "you are only human", and while this is true, we are able as human beings to practice, if only sometimes, what we preach - this is human too. What is my aim in life? To be the best human being I can be. Well, I have clearly got a long way to go. No wonder we need eternity!

Anger makes us abusive - the very thing we hate receiving. Such anger can come in loud harsh screaming words, or quiet harsh words of sarcasm, destructive criticism, the big silence, the name calling, wit that lashes you like a barb, or simple irritation and annoyance with tuts and huffs. Anger has many faces.

I wish with all my soul that when life brings me challenges I could sometimes, if not always, let Buddha, or Christ, or my higher self, breathe through me, so that I can react as I know I should. My guide always told me, I would not be carried over such hurdles. I would be encouraged towards my own strengths, and supported in my efforts. In the same way I am told, right now, that I have the ability and strength to overcome anger.

Perhaps we all at some point, hurt those we love and care for deeply. I would choose not to harm, at all times. It is not enough to say my life right now is so stressful that I can't help it, and beg them to understand. There is only so much we each can take, or have to take in this life, and expectations of unlimited sufferance in others is not acceptable.

I must awaken the Buddha/Christ/higher self/Creator, within, again and again and again, and use anger in its right place in an appropriate way (for there is such a thing too), and remind myself I would be wise to attend to my own business therefore rather than concern myself about the behaviour of others. There is enough work to do on 'myself', which can be far harder than pointing out the work others need to do on themselves.

Life brings with it many obstacles which challenge our energy and our grit. It forces us to dig deep sometimes for compassion and understanding, acceptance and change. Somehow our spirit asks us also to deal with some things by sacrificing our ego and self opinion. I can keep to this road, as long as I remember that we are travellers, that our time on this earth is limited, and we own nothing but ourselves and leave with nothing but the 'self', and all that it has become. Love and knowledge may be the only things we can take with us if we are lucky enough to have dealt with anger and hate here before we leave for home. I do not want to carry anger or hatred with me, and I think that I must bury this worthless and futile stupidity now - I have no ignorance to hide behind like an alibi.

Transcend anger - this is my mantra until I can do so